Hi guys, as you have obviously noticed, I haven't blogged in quite a few months. The truth is that my depression started to get really bad, and I needed to take the time to deal with it. I've been speaking with an amazing counselor, and it's really been life changing. Here I explain what all I've learned when dealing with grief:
I've also learned about mindfulness, and it really helps get me through the day. I focus on whats happening right now, not worrying about the unknown. And I don't shove away my emotions, I let myself feel them in full.
To be honest, all of that has been the easy part. Right now though, I'm really struggling with guilt, with not hating myself. When I get down to the core of whats really troubling me, it's how I feel about myself, how I blame myself for his death and hate myself for not being able to save him. I know you probably find this silly, as many do, but it's a true feeling of mine, and one I'm working on to fix. So online and in person, if I seem to be more distant, or quiet, just know theres a lot going on inside of me, a lot I'm trying to face. Trying to accept that I'm not to blame, trying to accept that I did the best I could, trying to accept that I am a good human being and deserve love.
Thanks for listening.