Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Facing myself

Hi guys, as you have obviously noticed, I haven't blogged in quite a few months. The truth is that my depression started to get really bad, and I needed to take the time to deal with it. I've been speaking with an amazing counselor, and it's really been life changing. Here I explain what all I've learned when dealing with grief:




I've also learned about mindfulness, and it really helps get me through the day. I focus on whats happening right now, not worrying about the unknown. And I don't shove away my emotions, I let myself feel them in full.

To be honest, all of that has been the easy part. Right now though, I'm really struggling with guilt, with not hating myself. When I get down to the core of whats really troubling me, it's how I feel about myself, how I blame myself for his death and hate myself for not being able to save him. I know you probably find this silly, as many do, but it's a true feeling of mine, and one I'm working on to fix. So online and in person, if I seem to be more distant, or quiet, just know theres a lot going on inside of me, a lot I'm trying to face. Trying to accept that I'm not to blame, trying to accept that I did the best I could, trying to accept that I am a good human being and deserve love.

Thanks for listening.

4 comments:


  1. Mrs Paprika,

    Im not exactly sure of your first name, but I stumbled across you video and found it very thought provoking. You struck me with your method of overcoming obstacles. I truly was inspired and intrigued to talk to you and get to know you.
    I am 21 and have seen to gone through some smaller trials myself. I look in many directions to find aid. I appreciate the fact that you are open to share this with me, and many others around the world.
    Truthfully I felt really inspired to write this message to you, and hopefully talk more.
    Thank you for posting!
    And good day,
    Marissa

    ReplyDelete

  2. Mrs Paprika,

    Im not exactly sure of your first name, but I stumbled across you video and found it very thought provoking. You struck me with your method of overcoming obstacles. I truly was inspired and intrigued to talk to you and get to know you.
    I am 21 and have seen to gone through some smaller trials myself. I look in many directions to find aid. I appreciate the fact that you are open to share this with me, and many others around the world.
    Truthfully I felt really inspired to write this message to you, and hopefully talk more.
    Thank you for posting!
    And good day,
    Marissa

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Laura,

    I'm new to your blogs, but this was my first glimpse. I read a bit of other things to understand where this post was coming from, and if I'm correct it has to do with your baby who passed unexpectedly (correct me if I'm wrong!). I am so terribly grieved for your loss, but I am happy that you have been able to receive some help that has brought you a little more peace and perspective. I salute you for having the courage to seek that out.

    I have a large family and we have struggled much with similar challenges (dealing more with chronic illnesses), but there is one thing that brings me more peace than anything else. I know that I will be able to be with my family members and see them again after this life and love and live with them. I know the same will be for you and your family. Families are meant to last for eternity.

    You are absolutely right that you are a good human being, and you deserve the greatest love.

    I would love to talk with you more about other things that have helped me greatly in times of grief, but of course don't want to force anything on you haha. But what I said is what I know, and you will be with your whole family again.

    I'd love to hear back from you and talk about things that have helped us with trials in our lives! I'm confident I have much I could learn from you, and I hope something I share could be of use to you as well.

    Thanks so much for your post and for your openness. Hopefully talk to you again soon!

    SIncerely, Sam

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Laura,

    I'm new to your blogs, but this was my first glimpse. I read a bit of other things to understand where this post was coming from, and if I'm correct it has to do with your baby who passed unexpectedly (correct me if I'm wrong!). I am so terribly grieved for your loss, but I am happy that you have been able to receive some help that has brought you a little more peace and perspective. I salute you for having the courage to seek that out.

    I have a large family and we have struggled much with similar challenges (dealing more with chronic illnesses), but there is one thing that brings me more peace than anything else. I know that I will be able to be with my family members and see them again after this life and love and live with them. I know the same will be for you and your family. Families are meant to last for eternity.

    You are absolutely right that you are a good human being, and you deserve the greatest love.

    I would love to talk with you more about other things that have helped me greatly in times of grief, but of course don't want to force anything on you haha. But what I said is what I know, and you will be with your whole family again.

    I'd love to hear back from you and talk about things that have helped us with trials in our lives! I'm confident I have much I could learn from you, and I hope something I share could be of use to you as well.

    Thanks so much for your post and for your openness. Hopefully talk to you again soon!

    SIncerely, Sam

    ReplyDelete